December … the universe turns a year older; I turn a year older, too. World over, this time is "celebrated” in so many different ways: ceremony, reflection, excess, gifts, fights, flights, laughter, threats, tears, regret, parties, disappointment, thanks, longing and sometimes if you’re lucky … simple joy!
As I mentioned, December not only brings on a new year but also my birthday. This year I turned 41. I’m officially “in it” … middle age … halfway done. There is no turning back now!
All in all, I have nothing to complain about. a good job, great friends, a new engagement, a nice condo, enough money to support my hedonistic tendencies, a healthy body anyway … and, most importantly peace of mind.
Like most, I spend a lot of time reflecting on the previous year and thinking about the year ahead. This is the first year of my entire life where I can honestly say I have enough. Do I have everything either I or society told me I should have at 40 years old, of course not! I’m not married, I don’t have children, I don’t have a house, I’m not a director, I’m not working in a career that betters humanity, I haven’t finished my student loans … I don’t even have a car!
But I have had one major epiphany … I don’t care! I have a good heart, positive outlook … and once you cross that magic threshold that looms over you like the black cloud of death … you just learn to say FUCK IT and you are free!
How I wish someone had told me this would happen years ago (someone probably did, but I just wouldn’t listen). But I have spent the last 20 years of my life saying … I’ll be happy when I have this, life will truly begin when I have that … I’ll be enough for my family when I achieve this … you get the picture.
However, even with all this sage wisdom, I also realize I’ve lost a little bit of myself along the way … I was a far more interesting person in my 20s. I read voraciously, I was an avid theater goer, I was a wish granter with make-a-wish, I was a passionate democrat, graduate student, fundraiser, and poet … and yet still a friend and hedonist with an even better bod!
I've become complacent. All these parts that once made up my live are now in the background, while Investigation Discovery and consumption make up the foreground.
I’m starting this blog in two parts:
1. To try to convince my wonderful sweet friends in their 20s and 30s that they have enough today.
2. To get back to my former self. keep me accountable friends ...
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